Mirrors
by Aisukuri-Mu Studio
Summary: .:E:. Raven hates mirrors. He hates looking into them and seeing a monster staring back at him. Spoilers to the Shrine of Baction!


Raven doesn't like his hair - he doesn't like its length, its color, its thickness. So he puts it up, in a high, tight ponytail, not a single strand out of place. That way he never has to see it unless he wants to.

Raven doesn't like his Knights uniform. So he pulls over a robe and slouches as if to cover it up in a more effective way. That way he never has to know it's there.

But it's not the same. They're still there. Schwann is still within him, fighting his way to the top. Raven knows it, he can feel it. The monster within him is brewing constantly, the temperature always rising and rising. Raven can't stop it. He has no control.

When Raven kidnaps Estellise, he's not really Raven. He's Schwann. He no longer can control that part of him. He wouldn't take her away from Yuri, not really - not if he wasn't sure she consented with it. Because Raven isn't that type of person. Schwann is.

When Alexei tells him to go to the Shrine of Baction, so that he can get rid of Yuri Lowell once and for all - Schwann reacts dangerously. Schwann loves the idea of killing - the idea of a murder-suicide. It appeals to him.

Raven hates it. Raven wants to jump up, stab Alexei in the gut, and tell him _he_ should just do the murder-suicide if he likes the idea of it so much. But Schwann won't let him. Schwann's afraid of Alexei, afraid of being cut off, afraid of Alexei deciding he's unnecessary.

Schwann is a coward.

When Schwann, aboard Alexei's ship, is getting ready, he does everything Raven wouldn't.

First of all, he sits in front of a mirror.

As Schwann stares at himself vainly, styling his black-as-heart hair over one of his eyes, Raven screams mutely. It hurts, to see himself incarcerated like this, to obscure half of his true self from his own eyes.

Eyes are a window to the soul - but they need to be unobstructed in order to be seen out of clearly. Without both eyes, Raven is chained. He can't fight as well. Schwann becomes too powerful.

Hell, Raven can't even call for help. No one likes to look Schwann in his one visible eye, and when they do, Schwann gets aggressive. Schwann makes sure to intimidate others so as to prevent them from seeing and understanding that Raven wants - no, _needs_ someone to help him come back to the top.

Schwann takes out his katana, swinging it, testing it. He grins, the bloodlust coursing through him. He's placed a lot of pride in his ability to slice and dice, to leave a trail of blood where he walks - always leaving Raven to tend to his messes. He enjoys the consuming of lives to the peak of gluttony, loathes cleaning up after himself to the point it's sloth. It disgusts Raven.

Schwann knows how Raven thinks of him. He knows because they are one and the same, and _oh_ how he envies Raven - envies his popularity, his self-satisfaction, the trust that others place in him. He's jealous, and that makes him angry.

But Schwann's never had the opportunity to unleash his wrath on Raven, not yet. Sure, he belittles him and verbally harrasses him, but that's endurable. That's something that can easily be numbed, if Raven concentrates enough.

Raven's afraid of Schwann. He's not a coward, though; he's not afraid of the man within because he could die. Raven's afraid of what Schwann will do to Yuri, Estelle, _Karol,_ Judith and Rita, once he gets the chance. What more perfect execution of wrath could there be - to absolutely destroy what an individual values most of all?

Alexei enters the room. "Are you ready, Captain Schwann?"

Raven wrinkles his nose in disgust. Schwann raises his head, sheaths his katana, and nods once.

"We have arrived at the Shrine of Baction." Alexei chuckles darkly. "You are to accompany the princess and myself inside. You do not need to be reminded of what we discussed earlier, do you not? About the weasels attempting to interfere?"

Raven knows that Alexei's talking about Yuri and it sickens him. Why doesn't he just come out and say it, he spits in anger. Why can't he just tell me to slay my colleagues, my allies, my _friends,_ and then _myself_ since I'll have outlived my usefulness by then, if that's what he wants me to do?

Schwann nods once more. "Yes, sir." Schwann doesn't talk much, not on the outside.

Alexei smirks at this reaction, turns, and exits the room, Estelle at his side. Raven's heart aches, wishes he could do something to help her. But he can't. Because right now, he's Schwann.

Schwann follows immediately, ever the obedient dog. Raven has a perfect view of Estelle from his one visible eye, the one that's not hidden beneath layers of darkness. She looks as if she's in pain, but she can't find the courage or strength to stand up to it.

Raven understands. He understands because he's suffering it constantly when he's referred to as 'Captain Schwann.' When he is not himself...

Raven silently prays that Yuri will kill him - that Yuri will have mercy on his soul and just do away with both him and the monster living within. Because when Schwann goes all-out against the boy and his companions...

There will be only one way to stop him.

Raven's never been one for self-sacrifice; he thinks it's silly, foolish, stupid, and incredibly hurtful to those close to you. But now he understands, too, why Estelle had been so insistent on the notion.

If his death means the survival of many others... Raven is okay with that. He's never been more okay with anything in the world.

Thank You, God, Raven murmurs in a silent prayer, as if to redeem himself for his sins. Thank You for giving me life - and then taking it from me and giving it back. You're a good guy, just misunderstood, I think, though I'm not entirely sure if You exist or not. But if You are there, then this time, do me a favor, will Ya?

This time, don't let me come back.


End file.
